I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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