Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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