my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
