He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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