I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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