I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
