I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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