I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
