I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
