Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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