There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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