OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
