I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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