she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
