I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
