I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
