I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
