He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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