i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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