Me too!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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