the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
