We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
