you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am one with the molecules
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
