Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
