every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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