It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm at about main and main street
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
