Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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