explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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