I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
