i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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