After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
