i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
