I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
