im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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