Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
