as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My vagina just recognized that song.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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