3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
