Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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