Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
