I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
