Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
