I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
