What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
