May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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