Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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