whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
