He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
