I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
