Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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