dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
