Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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