Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
